Firstly, if you have experienced a pregnancy loss, I am sorry for your loss and
hope that you have the resources, coping skills, and support structure needed
in your healing journey.
Pregnancy loss is emotionally and physically painful. The most important part
of navigating life after a pregnancy loss is giving yourself courage, permission,
and patience to care for yourself so you can heal.
Pregnancy loss is often classified by when it occurs: – A miscarriage, also called a spontaneous abortion, happens before 20 weeks of pregnancy.
A loss after 20 weeks is defined as a stillbirth. For the purpose of our support group, we will refer to both losses as a pregnancy loss.
What To Expect?
After experiencing a pregnancy loss, the bereaved parents likely experience a
rollercoaster of emotions. It is also expected that they will process the loss
differently from each other.
For women, physically, your hormone levels shift suddenly as pregnancy
hormones return to pre-pregnancy levels. You may experience bleeding and
cramping as your uterus returns to its pre-pregnancy size. Some women also
have milk leakage and breast tenderness after a miscarriage.
The emotional effects of a miscarriage are a response to hormonal shifts and
grief combined. It can feel much like postpartum depression and includes
symptoms such as tearfulness, feelings of anger, hopelessness and profound
sadness.
Psychological And Emotional Effects Of Pregnancy Loss
These are some of the common psychological effects after a pregnancy loss:
- Guilt- Feelings of disbelief
- Feelings of failure- Sense of inadequacy
- Doubts about femininity
- Feeling somehow damaged
- Anger towards oneself, partner, friends and towards those minimizing the
loss or failing to recognize its significance - Depressive symptoms
- Profound feelings of emptiness and sadness
- Uncontrollable tearfulness
- Ruminations – preoccupation with the lost baby
- Withdrawal from others and activities
- Jealousy
- Lowered self-esteem
The Five Stages Of Grief
Healing is not linear and it is presented by different stages of grief. Most
women and men will experience these stages at varying degrees. It is possible
and normal to experience these stages all at once or moment to moment. The
stages are:
Denial: A refusal to believe what has happened.
Anger: Blaming yourself or others for the loss.
Bargaining: Striking a deal with yourself or God to have things return to the
way they were.
Depression: Feeling helpless, hopeless, tired, guilty, punished, and as if there’s
no pleasure or joy in life.
Acceptance: Realizing that life has to go on, and regaining your energy and
goals for the future.
Factors That Tend To Prolong Grief
- Not knowing the cause and blaming oneself.-
- Any uncertainties about the pregnancy increases guilt and threaten feminine
self-concept, disintegrating her self-esteem. For men, it is common to feel
helpless for not being able to protect their family. - Feeling her body has betrayed her and feeling a sense of shame.- Being tormented by fears about the normality of the foetus and future
pregnancies. - Not seeing or being allowed to see the foetus or baby.
- When the loss and grief is minimized by those around.
Navigating Life After A Pregnancy Loss
Acknowledge the pregnancy loss
It is common to withdraw and not disclose to your loved ones after a pregnancy loss, a big part of it is caused by guilt from the fact that we don’t have a shared understanding of what pregnancy loss is and why it happened. It is important to be reminded that you are not at fault and there is nothing that may have prevented the loss from happening. Addressing self-blame will help you to express and process unspoken internalized feelings. It is also critical that you validate your journey that the loss happened. Allowing the feelings that come up to be felt is an incredibly important part of the healing journey.
Go slowly and allow yourself to be cared for
Healing is a process, be patient with your recovery and treat yourself with grace. It is common to withdraw from loved ones during this difficult period. Even though they may not know what to
say or how to be there for you, be reminded that they mean well.
Ask yourself: How am I showing up for myself today? How would I like to be supported? Navigating Life After A Pregnancy Loss
Pregnancy loss can lead to depression and anxiety.
Some women may develop a form of postpartum depression after a miscarriage. Symptoms include intense sadness, emptiness, anger, irritability, fatigue, guilt, worthlessness, and jealousy for those who are pregnant. The woman may also be preoccupied with her loss or unable to enjoy activities she used to enjoy. Postpartum depression is especially possible if these symptoms last for more than a few weeks.
Make space for grief
Grief looks different from one moment to the next and it is not processed the same way. Acknowledge your feelings and be assured that it is normal for you to experience them in different waves. Show grace for yourself and towards those around you who might be processing the loss differently.
Honouring the pregnancy loss
Grief is the natural response to the loss of someone significant in our lives. Even though most of the bereaved parents may not be able to bid farewell traditionally, the loss is still profound and real. Finding ways of honouring and marking the pregnancy loss is important and different for everyone. Whilst some parents prefer writing a letter for the late baby, some prefer naming the late baby, some, a candle can hold a significant mark, especially on the anniversary.
Anniversary grief
It is not unusual for you to feel triggered as the loss anniversary date approaches. You may be preoccupied with thoughts of the baby, events leading up to the loss, and the support received during that period. Again, it is completely okay and normal to feel anxious, vulnerable, distressed and tearful during this period.
